What is when a guy is mean to you then nice?

When a guy is mean to you and then nice, it's a complex situation that can stem from several underlying reasons. This behavior, often referred to as "push-pull" dynamics, can be confusing and emotionally draining.

Here's a breakdown of potential reasons and what to consider:

• Insecurity: Sometimes, men who are insecure may act mean as a way to mask their own feelings of inadequacy. The "nice" moments could be genuine attempts to connect, or perhaps a reaction to feeling they've gone too far.
• Manipulation: In some cases, this behavior can be a form of manipulation. The mean behavior might be designed to lower your self-esteem, making you more dependent on their subsequent "nice" gestures for validation. This is a major red flag.
• Attention Seeking: The person could be seeking attention, even if it's negative. The mean behavior elicits a reaction, and the nice behavior is a way to maintain the connection.
• Poor Communication Skills: Some people simply lack the emotional intelligence and communication skills to express themselves in a healthy way. Their "mean" behavior might be unintentional, and the "nice" behavior a clumsy attempt to make amends.
• Testing Boundaries: He might be testing your boundaries to see what you'll tolerate.
• Underlying Issues: He might have anger management issues, or other personal problems that he is not addressing.

Important Considerations:

• Consistency: Is the behavior consistently inconsistent? A pattern of mean-nice cycles is a strong indicator of a problem.
• Your Feelings: How does this behavior make you feel? If it consistently makes you feel confused, anxious, or unworthy, that's a major red flag.
• Self-Respect: It's crucial to prioritize your self-respect. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect consistently.

What to Do:

• Communicate: If you feel safe, calmly communicate how the behavior affects you. Use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel hurt when...").
• Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist.
• Distance Yourself: If the behavior continues despite your efforts to communicate and set boundaries, it might be necessary to distance yourself from the person for your own well-being.
• Recognize toxic relationship signals: Intermittent reinforcement (the unpredictable reward/punishment) is a classic tactic used in toxic relationships.